Fifty and counting

Today is my 50th birthay. It doesn't feel any different than any other birthday. I'm not doing anything today because my son is throwing me a surprize party next weekend. Ha, ha. You can't trick me!!! He is inviting several new friends from town, my sister-in-law, my niece and nephew, all my cousins and one of my two remaining aunts.

I miss my mother really badly today. She never got to see either of her children turn 50. I am willing to celebrate because I know she would want me to. I haven't really celebrated a birthday since my brother died in 1985. I guess it's time.

Fifty is worth celebrating!!! Tonight Paul is making pizza and we are renting a movie. Alex gave me season three of Boston Legal. I guess that means that Paul will get season two next week.

Good-bye Q-Tip

Q-Tip died in my arms last night at 4:00 am. He was not quite four years old and I was told he was a year when I got him. Of all my pocket pets, I loved him the most. He used to sit on the desk with me while I typed. Good-bye little piggy. Thanks for being a part of my life.

Goodbye Dr. Livingstone

Last night when we went to feed him is supper, Paul and I found our little gerbil Dr. Livingstone has passed away. I am heartbroken yet again for another loss. Tiny as he was, he provided great entertainment for me as he was housed in a 20 gallon low boy aquarium on my computer desk.

Paul and Alex found him outside one evening three years ago, walking down the edge of someone's driveway. They caught him and brought him home to me, knowing I would love him and also that he wouldn't have survived a cold Canadian winter. Or worse, ended up as some cat's dinner.

Gerbils are amazing pets. We bought play sand for him and gave him shredded paper. He made the rest of his bedding himself with toilet paper rolls, paper cup holders and whatever else we tossed in his home.

He is already sadly missed.

Thank you Dr. Livingstone, my little explorer, for the three years of companionship you gave to me.

Goodbye Sweet Dexter

Today I am sad. Q-Tip is being treated for an absess in his foot. I thought it wasn't healing and the vet suggested perhaps it was a mass and surgery would be the best option. She also told me the guinea pigs don't do well coming out of surgery and we might lose him while he was under. Feeling like I was trapped between a rock and a hard place, I opted for the surgery. I cuddled Q-Tip last night and gave him some extra love.

I took Q-Tip to the vet and went home to await a call which I believed would be bad news. When I got home, I noticed Dexter's breathing was very laboured. I called the vet and the reciptionist said to bring him in when I came to get Q-Tip as the vet saw noticed improvement in his foot and decided not to operate.

Michelle checked Dex over and told me he had pneumonia. She gave him a shot to try and releave his congestion and put him on meds. She also told me the GP's get this virus and usually pass within the next couple of months never really coming off the meds totally. I was happy to try anything but was sent him with my sickly Dexter knowing the next twenty-four hours were going to tell if he survived. He didn't. He passed about an hour after seeing the vet.

It always seems to work this way for me. When I'm so busy watching out of one thing, something else quietly slips out the back door. Dexter would have been lost without Q-Tip because he cried everytime I took Q out of the cage. Q-Tip doesn't seem to be grieving too much because Dex used to pick on him a bit. I on the other hand, am grieving deeply.

There has been so much loss in my life these past nine month. The size or genus of a creature has little bearing on how much I mourn. I miss my little Dex who gave me so much in the three short years I had of his four year life.

Goodbye Dexter, my sweetie boy.

Together for eternity

Today I interned my mother in with my father who has been waiting for her since July 21, 1986. I waited this long because I wanted to bring them together on their anniversary. It was a quiet little service with a immediate family in attendence. David Dean, a lone piper, played Amazing Grace at the graveside as my husband Paul offered her commital. She rests with my father, Harry Adolph Lemire and across from my brother, Harvey Joseph Rene Lemire, at Thornton Road Cemetery in Oshawa ON.

Special thanks to my Aunt Sally for hosting a luncheon at her house after the service. Thank to cousins, Sherry, Valerie, Susie, Heather and Aunt Barb for their contributions to the day.

Is there an end to this sadness?

This morning I was awakened to a call from my cousin. My uncle on my mother's side passed away last night at 72 years. He was my Godfather and I will miss him very much. My mother loved him dearly and although there is no way I can be happy that my mother is no longer here, I am grateful that she didn't have to deal with his death as I am sure it would have been too much for her after losing one of her sisters just three months ago.

I am now left with just two aunts from a closely knit family that has always been such a huge part of my life. In the last three months, I have lost my dog, my aunt, my mother and now my uncle. My remaining aunts, Sally and Suzanne are crushed. Especially since one lives in Newfoundland and the rest of the family has always lived in S. Ontario.

My cousins Valerie and Sherry will miss their father so much. He leaves behind, a wife, two daughters, six grandchildren and three great grandkids.

When my aunt Vickie died in November it was just a week past my losing Beulah, my beloved dog of almost thirteen years. Valerie lost her dog of seventeen years on the day that my mother passed.

At my mom's service, I invited guests to mourn not only for my mother that day but also for the other losses both past and future of family, friends and pets. My mom requested no funeral but family and friends gathered for a wake.

If you dig deep enough

Here is a picture of a sweet little clock I picked up at the thrift shop for next to nothing. I don't know why no one else scooped it up unless it's because they couldn't figure out how to get to the clock to put in a new battery. The clock face twists off. It works fine and will soon be happily situated on one of my guest room tables.

I need to find frames for family photos. Mom and I were going to do a wall with family portraits and pictures. I still plan on doing it but it pains me that she won't see it. Here is a picture of my late brother Rene when he was a little boy around 4 years old. He died at just 29 years leaving behind a wife and two small children. He's been gone for twenty-three years this coming March but it sometimes feels like yesterday. He was a cute little guy.

Painful Goodbye

Happy New Year everyone. I would have posted before this but on the second day of January, my mother passed away. It really wasn't expected. She was undergoing chemo with great hope. She did get a lung infection but that was clearing up nicely. However, part the the cure for the infection caused her to go into renal failure. She died at Wednesday evening after being taken to the hospital in an ambulance. I didn't get there in time to be with her and I am crushed. As we talked many times of our parting, I know her greatest wish for me would be to let her go. I will attempt to respect that wish as I try to pick up the piece of my life which is feeling very empty without her. She joins my father and my brother. I have no other siblings so I'm feeling very lonely at the moment. My husband of course is awesome. And my youngest adult son is spending a lot of time with me. My eldest son is across the country so we have to settle for telephone hugs.

I am fortunate to have two aunts and an uncle as well as my late aunt's husband to lean on as well. They are great but I can't help wish I had another sibling to call to share this terrible grief. The above picture was taken less than two months before her passing.

So here sit in the beautiful old century home that was to be my mother and my latest scheme and project, wondering how I will ever pull this off without her.

Pondering Christmas

I was hoping to get some more Christmas crafts posted but life has a way of getting in the way of blogging. My mother has cancer and is not doing well. Yesterday we made palliative care arrangements and it has left me crushed. The chemo is knocking the stuffing out of her. It's her fear that is the worst part of all this. She is confident in her faith but she's not ready to go. We bought this house just this past summer with wonderful plans for some great adventure. Now it seems she will not be a part of that adventure and it no longer seems that important.

Just last month, I had to say goodbye to my most beautiful dog of almost 13 years, Beulah. We were eating homemade cookies and after she scored a bite of mine she turned to my husband for a share of his. Before he was done, she was in a grand mal seizure. The doctors tried to stablize her but 34 hours later, we had to say goodbye. There was no way the doctors could bring her back to her former self. It was the right decision but I can't stop crying. Our other dog, Brady is moping and looking for his best friend. That just adds to my sadness.

Above is Beulah looking beautiful and to the right is her upside down on the couch. That was her favourite position. Below to the right is Brady waiting to fetch something, , , anything, , , please? No, he's not morphed. He really looks like that.

One thing I am finding in the midst of all this upheaval is that Christmas has very little to do with presents, glitter and feasting. Those are holiday festivities. Fun things we have created to give a festive air to a much more important message. The birth of Christ was supposed to be the birth of peace on earth and goodwill towards all men.

I'm sure next year I will be more into the festive side of the holidays but this year I am more focused on the deeper meaning of Christmas. After all, what gift could even begin to compare with the precious time I have left with my mother, the happiness given to me by my dog of almost thirteen years and the joy my remaining dog faithfully offers to me or seeing/hearing from my kids?

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas or joyous celebration of whatever path you follow. Remember to take a moment and look past the gifts and into the eyes of our loved ones, both two legged and four. I wish you might find the kind of love that was born to us over 2000 years ago.